Dock of the Bay 2002 Honoree

STEPHEN SEBOR:
THE (SMILING) FACE OF ACTIVISM
by Jed Ryan

Stephen Sebor is, undeniably, one of the hardest working gay activists on Long Island. As a result, he's become one of the most recognized faces in our community. For over 10 years, Stephen has had an unyielding commitment to the fight for equality for gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgendered people. He has been an outspoken yet compassionate voice in the areas of HIV/AIDS prevention and education. Stephen's work has not gone unnoticed. When asked how he felt about being honored this year at the Dock of the Bay Summer Party, Stephen responds, "I'm very excited... and flattered!" Yet Stephen is quick to point out that some of his most rewarding moments have been from people who recognize him, usually from his TV show, at Fire Island, clubs, and even in unexpected situations like when he's pumping gas! Stephen comments, "It's wild. Through Rainbow Connection, we connect with people we may never meet!"

Like many of us, Stephen Sebor knew that he was gay in high school, but he wasn't out at the time. "In high school, there were no gay role models," he remembers. "Today, we have Gay-Straight Alliances." Stephen's first "taste" of activism came when he was an under grad at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York. Stephen joined the school's Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Alliance. At that time, the city of Ithaca had recently passed an ordinance banning discrimination based upon sexual orientation. Stephen and his peers wanted to see if the ordinance was being enforced. So, he gathered 74 (!) of his fellow gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered friends together and headed over to a popular Ithaca straight bar to see if all of them would be let in. When some of the members of the group were denied entrance (presumably, according to Stephen, based upon "perception" and "appearance"), the group filed a discrimination complaint. Stephen looks back at the incident in retrospect and laughs, perhaps realizing that having 75 GLBT students going to a straight bar at the same time to test the city's nondiscrimination policy wasn't the most, shall we say, "efficient" way to advance the agenda of GLBT equality! "That was back in my wilder, crazy days!" He adds, "Back then, activism to me meant being free to be who I was." Yet even then, Stephen learned about the importance and power of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered visibility. Years later, in January 1999, he applied for the position of Long Island Field Organizer for the Empire State Pride Agenda (ESPA), New York State's nonpartisan gay and lesbian political advocacy organization. His position was created as part of ESPA's plan to recruit activists from different parts of the state. For the Long Island GLBT community, Stephen puts a personal (and perpetually smiling!) face on gay activism and gay politics, which can often be confusing and overwhelming for the average gay and lesbian Long Islander. Through the L.I. Pride eGroup, he takes the news from Washington, DC, Albany, and elsewhere, puts it in a "user-friendly" format, and proceeds to give a step-by-step summary on what the average gay Joe or Jane can do to make life better for our community. His hard work with ESPA was noticed, prompting Tom Sweeney, ESPA Deputy Executive Director of Program, to state, "I guess we knew what we were doing when we hired 'the guy on the TV show'!"

Indeed, most of us know Stephen from his nightly trips into our own living rooms via the Long Island Rainbow Connection (LIRC), Long Island's gay public access TV show. Steven has been involved with the Long Island Rainbow Connection since its creation in 1993. Members of the now-disbanded group CERF-PAC, who felt that it was important to promote visibility for gays and lesbians through TV, conceived the idea for a Long Island gay public access show. At first, LIRC was only acquiring and airing shows that were already produced, including Gay USA (produced in Manhattan) and Momentum TV (produced by the Human Rights Campaign). Then, the founders decided to take it a step further, and came up with the idea of making their own Long Island-centered gay show. Having just returned to Long Island after living in London for a year, Stephen met up with his good friend (and aunt!), Sharon Randall, who was also Co-Chair of CERF-PAC. In December 1993, Sharon was set to Co-host the new half-hour long show with CERF-PAC's other Co-Chair, Steve Henegan, and featuring P-FLAG as the first guest. However, Mr. Henegan decided that he didn't want to be a host, and Stephen Sebor, who was Production Assistant at the time, was promoted to the role of Co-host with Sharon. "I got the job by default," Stephen laughs. "Who'd have thought that I'd still be doing it?!" Stephen became Producer of the show in March 1996, and has taken the Rainbow Connection further, lengthening the show to one hour, and changing the format from interviewing a single person or group to focusing on panel discussions about a specific issue-- spirituality, gay parenting, HIV/AIDS issues, etc. This led to more people and actual discussions on the show. Since then, Sharon Randall moved to Vermont, and Stephen's friend and fellow social worker Kathy Rosenthal took her place as CO-host Stephen recalled some of the most rewarding moments of past shows, including an interview with James Quinn, the Nassau County police officer who sued the County for anti-gay harassment and discrimination in 1999 and won. LIRC has also interviewed praised gay author Michelangelo Signorile in the field. But Stephen Sebor's proudest moment came when LIRC created a documentary called "Stephen's Wish," based on the real-life story of a Greenlawn boy named Stephen who died of AIDS at age 12. It was the boy's dying wish to share, via video, his thoughts with his peers and others on how we should treat and react to people with AIDS. The documentary was taken to Stephen's Greenlawn school, but the school board refused to allow it to be shown. A silver lining emerged, however, when students in nearby Amityville learned of Stephen's story. Stephen's mother was invited to the school in Amityville to show the documentary. The Amityville students also formed an HIV/AIDS peer education network, and made a quilt panel for Stephen for the Names Quilt in Washington, DC.

"People ask me what the Nielsen ratings are for my show!" Stephen says with a chuckle. "I tell them, 'This is public access! We don't have ratings!' Anyway, it doesn't matter to me how many people watch it. That's important to me is the feedback I get, the stories I hear... it's important for people to know that they're not alone. That's part of the reason I why I do the show. I love doing it and I think it's so important to have a visible presence." Interestingly, although LIRC will be celebrating its 10th anniversary soon, such mainstream Long Island media resources like "Newsday" haven't paid much attention to the TV show or acknowledged it as a resource for the GLBT community. Stephen responds, "We're very low key. We do our thing." Unlike, for example, "The Robin Byrd Show," Manhattan's most notorious and successful public access TV show, LIRC doesn't spend too much time or money promoting the show. Also unlike "Robin Byrd," there are no advertisements on Rainbow Connection. Stephen and the rest of the LIRC staff don't get paid for their time or hard work, making the show truly a labor of love for all involved. "Rainbow Connection is fortunate enough to have fundraisers. Auntie M's Helping Hands, the Long Island Ravens M.C., and other groups have helped us out through the years. We're able to get by on a small budget. Luckily, public access TV is cheap. We're not charged for the studio or for use of the equipment." Rainbow Connection also received some funding from Cable Positive, a nonprofit organization which awards money to AIDS service organizations and media outlets willing to produce media to educate the public about HIV/AIDS. Stephen reinforces that LIRC is always looking for "new blood." "We need people to promote shows, make contacts, book guests, and just offer their creative input."

Stephen knew early on that he wanted to make a difference in the world. He went into the field of Social Work specifically with the goal to work for the GLBT community. Stephen attended graduate school from 1995 to 1997, and during that time, he was an Intern at both Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth (LIGALY) and Pride for Youth, where he worked with the younger members of our community. In October 1999, he started working for F.E.G.S., the largest private not-for-profit health-related and human services organization in the US He started at F.E.G.S. working three days a week, then progressed to being full-time, which he still is. Stephen's title is "Clinical Specialist," and his position was patently designed to enable him to reach out to so-called "special populations"-- namely, gay men and African-Americans, who have been it hardest by HIV/AIDS. Stephen's work at F.E.G.S. involves counseling clients individually, running support groups (one of them being Positive Space, which meets on Monday nights in Center Moriches), and facilitating a relapse prevention group for HIV positive clients in recovery. Stephen is thankful and "honored" that he is able to support himself by serving the GLBT and HIV/AIDS-affected communities. "It's a great feeling doing what you want to do for a living and working with who you want to." Stephen facilitates Positive Rainbows, a support group for HIV positive gay men that was initially collaboration between PWAC and F.E.G.S. The group meets the first, third, and fifth Thursday of each month. During our interview, Stephen gets passionate when discussing HIV/AIDS awareness. F.E.G.S, in September 2001, was the recipient of a $1000 grant from Gay and Lesbian Foundation of Long Island (GALFOLI). Stephen and the members of Positive Space started a campaign to distribute condoms and literature about safer sex to the community. This included sending e-mails via the L.I. Pride eGroup and posting flyers in places like the men's rooms at gay bars. Both the e-mails and flyers had contact info for more information on HIV testing and prevention. The project had a three-part message: (1) AIDS is not over; (2) Get tested and know your partner's status; and (3) Protect yourself and your partner. The campaign soon expanded to include distribution of dental dams and literature to bars frequented by lesbians. "The reality is that gay and bisexual men are still getting HIV, unsafe sex is on the rise, syphilis is back, and an outbreak of Hepatitis A has been reported in Suffolk County among gay and bisexual men. We're slacking off on safer sex practices, and there are a variety of reasons for that. For one, people may get into a false sense of security when they enter a relationship. Many guys don't ask their partner about their HIV status, and many don't know their own status. People don't see the way AIDS ravaged gay men in the '80's. The media reports about the advances in treatment and the public takes that information in sound bites. They think, 'Oh, I'll just take these cocktails.' They don't really know what it's like to live day to day with the virus." Stephen's approach to talking with people about HIV and AIDS isn't one of lecturing, but rather encouraging people to make informed choices. "It's not enough to tell men to use a condom. None of us are perfect. But people need to be informed, and they need to make their own decisions to the best of their ability."

If you get the impression that Stephen Sebor is a busy man, you're right! Yet he does find time to relax. Stephen spends every weekend with Stuart, his partner of two and a half years. The two have lately been enjoying the summer at Fire Island, where for the first time, they have a share on Cherry Grove. In his spare time, Stephen also enjoys driving in his Miata with the top down, going to movies, spending time with his 8-year old nephew, and, of course, going to a lot of community-based political events, fundraisers, and social gatherings. What drives Stephen Sebor? "From an early age I knew what injustice was. I never fully understood why some people couldn't accept people who are different. It shouldn't be 'OK' to taunt someone who is different-- gay or otherwise. I struggled with my own coming out. I knew who I was, but I was more comfortable speaking out for others-- like when people were getting picked on in high school. I knew inherently that it was wrong-- I felt compelled to intervene. . I'm honored that I was able to turn speaking up for others into a career." What advice does Stephen have for aspiring activists? "Be true to yourself. Find something that you feel passionate about."

Indeed, Stephen Sebor's hard work, commitment to his causes, and devotion to GLBT issues and HIV/AIDS awareness show one thing: A little passion can go a long, long way.

Long Island Rainbow Connection
P.O. Box 200
Bohemia, NY 11716
www.LIRainbow.org

FEGS Long Island Positive Space
6900 Jericho Turnpike, Suite 306
Syosset, NY 11791
(516) 496-7550 / (516) 364-0794
(631) 589-5465
www.fegs.org

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Photos by Louis Trapani © 2002