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JOAN
OF SPARK!
 Joan Rivers Live at Madison Square Garden!
by Jed
Ryan
"I
have an agoraphobic gay friend who likes being gay, who's
proud to be gay, who enjoys being gay. The problem is he's
afraid to come out of the closet!"
--Joan Rivers
"New
Yorkers are suddenly longing for the good old days-- you
know, when reports of 'exposure' involved an overcoat and
a flasher"
--Joan Rivers
It's no mystery why funny lady Joan Rivers is such a favorite
performer among gay men, or why Miss Rivers is one of the
female celebrities most imitated among drag queens. Most people
know Joan from her jewelry line on QVC or from her celebrity
gossip-fest with daughter Melissa on the E! network. However,
Joan's talents extend beyond caustic comedy. Even if you're
not a fan of Joan's brand of humor, no one can dispute her
many talents, as well as her long, difficult road to success
and stardom. Her life story, with both intense highs and shattering
tragedies, is like a Hollywood screenplay in itself. Joan
Rivers is a true Renaissance woman-- she's authored five books,
had one of the first syndicated talk shows on daytime TV,
was permanent guest host on "The Tonight Show," sold
out concerts at Carnegie Hall, won an Emmy, wrote the script
for a very successful TV movie ("The Girl Most Likely To..."
with Stockard Channing, in 1973-- a cult classic), and directed
a Hollywood film ("Rabbit Test" with Billy Crystal
in 1978, the story of the world's first pregnant man!), among
other achievements. She's also a mother and a grandmother.
(Joan's observations about being a grandma: "I don't let the
kid call me 'Nana'. I tell him to call me 'close personal
friend'. I don't change diapers. The kid's wet? Don't worry--
he'll dry!") At 68, Joan is one of the busiest women in show
business. And to appreciate this lady's talents firsthand,
you got to see her live! Luckily, Joan gave many of her fans
the opportunity to do just that on November 7th, the first
of two Wednesday night performances at the Comedy Garden Forum
at Madison Square Garden, Manhattan. This was the perfect
show for both a gay guy AND his mother to see together
(Coincidentally, that's exactly what I did!) Despite the drawbacks
of the evening-- the Knicks had a game that night in the main
arena, and security was mega-tight-- Joan's humor was enough
to renew anyone's faith in New York being the entertainment
capital of the world.
 Joan
came out in a gas mask, a sight gag which set the tone for
the night. Joan realized that a large component of humor is
the ability to laugh at yourself, and she did plenty of that.
She joked about her own experiences with plastic surgery and
bemoaned her lack of a satisfying sex life. Showing middle-aged
women the RIGHT way to dress, the petite Joan looked
very elegant yet smart in a wine-colored sequined top with
faux fur accents, and black pants. But despite her chic ensemble,
once she opened her mouth, the Joan Rivers that we know and
love-- raw, uncensored, and definitely NOT politically
correct-- made her presence known. There were a few celebrities
in the audience, including soap opera star Susan Lucci (a
Long Islander!) and Village Voice writer Michael Musto. Joan
gave the audience her unique observations about a wide range
of subjects-- from the British royal family, to the experience
of going to the gynecologist, to the war ("Want to solve the
problem in the Middle East? Send over five post-menopausal
Jewish women!"). Joan declared that she knew that New York
City was "back to normal" when someone gave her the finger
the other day. Miss Rivers has very, shall we say, "unique"
views on feminism. She doesn't believe that women should cook,
clean, or exercise... but she does believe in plastic surgery!
She also believes that all single women should "work on themselves"--
after all, according to Joan, in New York City, one third
of men are gay and one third are married. On sexism, Joan
points out "In this country, It does not matter what a man
looks like or how old he is-- a man will always be able to
get a date!" But, perhaps realizing her audience, she quickly
added ."...But not in the gay world!" Of course, there were
Joan's trademark verbal torpedoes aimed at a few celebrities
(Cher, Jane Fonda, Seigfried and Roy), and her usual picking
on selected "lucky" members of the audience. (Damn! I was
hoping I would be one!)
 At
the end of the show, Joan briefly left the stage and came
back wrapped in a sequined American flag "Do you like this?
Vera Wang designed it for me!" she declared. She then pulled
her friend Susan Lucci from the audience, and the sexy TV
star joined Joan for a rendition of "God Bless America." What
a crowd-pleaser! Incidentally, given Joan's sense of humor,
we'll never know if Vera Wang really DID design that
flag, or if Ms. Lucci knew that she'd be singing that night!
But who cares? Certainly not the audience, which seemed to
consist entirely of gay men and middle-aged Jewish couples!
Joan is more than just a performer. She's an inspiration to
any aspiring writer, actor, or comedian who is working hard
to have his or her talents recognized, and a role model for
anyone struggling after a traumatic life experience. Joan
suffered from an ill-fated early marriage that lasted six
months, a very publicized falling out with former friend Johnny
Carson, and the unexpected death of her second husband. She
rebounded from her husband's death by writing books, starting
a partnership with QVC, and writing and starring in the 1994
Broadway play "Sally Marr and Her Escorts," for which she
received a Tony nomination for Best Actress. Joan has always
emphasized the value of humor in dealing with the difficulties
of life. At an age when most celebrities-- male or female--
are living in semi-seclusion or vanished from sight, Joan
continues to wow audiences with her live shows and sassy TV
appearances. She's even in Cyberspace! Visit www.joanrivers.com.
This is one of the best celebrity sites that I've seen in
quite a while. There's a "joke of the day," a joke archive
where you can search for Joan's older jokes by subject (Bush,
Fat, Age, Sex, Politics, etc.) and even hear Joan tell the
jokes! There's also a "Whine Cellar" where you can send Joan
comments about the site, a Joan biography, news, shopping,
a fashion section for women and drag queens, and more.
"The
anthrax scare really has people on edge. The other day in
the post office a man with dandruff scratched his head and
they called in a swat team"
Oh, the world we live in!
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