MARDI GRAS COMES TO LONG ISLAND!
David Kilmnick and Robert Vitelli Talk About LIGALY's Upcoming Event and LIGALY's Bright Prospects for 2002!
by Jed Ryan

What is "Mardi Gras?"

(1) Historically: "Mardi Gras," translated from French, means "Fat Tuesday." The name came from the early Christian custom of parading a fat ox through the streets of town on Shrove Tuesday, the day before Ash Wednesday-- which is the beginning of Lent. The celebration itself, which involves feasting, costumes, parades, and general merrymaking, takes place at the end of a long carnival season beginning January 6th, or the Feast of the Epiphany ("Little Christmas"), also called "Twelfth Night." Mardi Gras is celebrated in many Catholic communities around the world, but some cities-- most notably, New Orleans and Rio de Janeiro-- take it VERY seriously. Even though it's a Christian tradition, Mardi Gras actually has its roots in the ancient Roman custom of merrymaking before a period of fasting. Today, it has been integrated into modern American culture and is celebrated by people of all religious and spiritual orientation. One writer described Mardi Gras as an "attempt to satiate the desires of the flesh prior to the abstinence observed before Lent."

(2) Simply put, an excuse to party!

But why simply party when you can party for an important cause? Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth (LIGALY) have taken February, a traditionally quiet month for the GLBT community (Sorry, Valentine's Day just doesn't cut it for single people!), and have organized a celebration for adults (21 and over) who support LIGALY. On February 16th, the Island Hills Golf and Country Club in Sayville will be the place to be, as LIGALY holds its first-ever Mardi Gras 2002 Party. The event will benefit LIGALY, with all proceeds benefiting the programs and services provided by the organization. The event will be from 7 PM to 12 midnight, and will feature entertainment by the "Vox" that rocks-- Long Island's favorite all-girl group Pandora's Vox. Tickets are a steal at $50.00 each.

Pandora's Vox to Rock LIGALY's Mardi Gras 2002 Party!

This event will be LIGALY's first "adult" event in a long time. Why Mardi Gras? Part of the reason for organizing a celebration in February was to relieve some of the "winter doldrums." Religious traditions aside, the staff of LIGALY also likes what Mardi Gras represents. According to Robert Vitelli, Coordinator of LIGALY's Education and Training Division, "The theme for this event will be 'Building Our Community's Future.' Mardi Gras symbolizes that very well. It's about looking ahead toward spring. It's about blooming and growth." David Kilmnick, Executive Director of LIGALY, adds, "So many people give their time. This event will be giving back to the adults who have helped LIGALY. We want to build our community's future, 'brick by brick.'" Indeed, one of the future goals for LIGALY is owning their own building. (The organization currently rents their space in Bay Shore). The fact that David used to operate LIGALY from his former Levittown apartment years ago shows just how far LIGALY has come, particular in light of how many gay and lesbian organizations have unfortunately folded over the years. LIGALY continues to thrive, as well as serve as a role model for fledgling suburban GLBT youth agencies across the country. Why?

David Kilmnick has been a gay activist since 1991, with one of his earliest achievements being to co-found and help organize Long Island's first Pride Parade in Huntington. At that time, issues of gay youth-- including gay youth substance abuse, suicide, and rejection from family-- were were at best unexplored and at worst, shoved under the carpet by mainstream America. In 1993, David co-created LIGALY, which was an outgrowth of a speakers' bureau on gay issues performed as a Masters Project at SUNY at Stony Brook. Nine years later, LIGALY has stayed true to its mission, despite the challenges over the years. "Our goals are to educate, provide support, and advocate for GLBT youth and their families. We help to create awareness. Gay youth, their families, and their supporters need to talk about certain issues-- in a safe, nonjudgmental way. We can't change people's minds. No one has the power to do that. But we do provide accurate information and education. And we do that extremely well." LIGALY receives surprisingly little opposition. "It's very rarely oppositional," adds David. "But when we DO find opposition, we enter into a friendly, courteous dialogue. We educate many teachers (Since 1993, LIGALY has trained thousands of teachers on Long Island.), superintendents, principals, and students. Even people who oppose LIGALY will agree that safety of youth, gay or straight, should be an issue. Opposition has been rare because of the bridges that we build. LIGALY's reputation is stellar. What people don't see is that we are out there 365 days a year building bridges so that our kids can walk over them. Some people are uneducable (sic) and that's fine. People have the right to their opinion.. However, people do not have the right to harass and otherwise treat GLBT youth unfairly. No one should be harassed or treated differently because of who they are. LIGALY has grown and thrived because we have made gay youth a universal issue. It's not just relegated to GLBT people themselves-- it's about their families and communities. There are gay youth in EVERY family, and EVERY community."

David adds, "We look towards the future. We push leadership development. We look at who will take over when we (today's gay activists) retire. We want our youth to stay on Long Island, to get involved with the Parade and GALFOLI and other groups, to make schools and the rest of the community safe." Part of that, states David, is reinforcing to younger gays that there's far more things about being gay than drinking, drugs, and partying. "That's not the message at LIGALY. We offer choices and other options on the path to being gay and also being happy, healthy, and having a career." Both David and Robert dismiss the notion that young gay men and lesbians tend to be more apathetic about political/cultural issues than their older counterparts. "After all, kids are kids. They want to do kid things," responds David. Indeed, one of the simplest roles which LIGALY had served was providing a safe space for Long Island gay youth to socialize, something which we take for granted now. "But we see a lot of kids out there making a difference-- starting Gay/Straight Alliances and building our community's future. We have a lot to look forward to if our kids stay here." Robert adds, "There's a different mindset with gay youth as opposed to gays in their 20's, 30's, and 40's. It's not necessarily easier (than older gays) for them to come out, but gay youth today are more astute and more aware of the importance of coming out for their own health." LIGALY's Pride Gala last year, widely referred to as the first GLBT youth prom in the suburbs, received international attention, including coverage on all the major TV stations. After the Pride Gala, the number of adults interested in volunteering for LIGALY increased greatly. So many adults stated that they wished that something like the GLBT youth prom existed when THEY were in high school. LIGALY's plans for a prom for GLBT adults, the Pride Benefit Prom, was scheduled for November 3, 2001. However, the event suffered from the wave of post-September 11th decline in ticket sales that affected many cultural/fundraising events. The Pride Benefit Prom was thus postponed.

"We don't give advice," states Robert. "We give information." According to David, this also extends to sex and sexuality issues. "We talk about sexual safety and dating safety. LIGALY is the only place where many of these kids can talk about this. We aim to build a positive sense about sex and to build self-confidence."

David Kilmnick, 34, came out at age 17 and became involved with gay activism in 1991. Since then, he has been interviewed, photographed, quoted, praised, criticized, and profiled by both the gay press and the mainstream press. With a Bachelor's degree in Public Relations and Masters in Social Work (He is a Certified Social Worker.), David has offered an educational and enlightened viewpoint to advocate for the rights of GLBT community, with emphasis on gay youth. Barry Jones, writer for LicktheWeb.com and President of GALFOLI, said of his friend, "David Kilmnick is a perfect role model for those kids. His drive and energy keep it all going." David's written opinions have appeared in Newsday, the Village Voice, and other publications. In 1994 he was honored as Citizen of the Year by CERF-PAC (Citizens for Equal Rights Fund Political Action Committee). That same year, David made news when he and a group of 74 other gay activists demonstrated against a virulently anti-gay propaganda film being shown at the Port Washington Public Library. In 1997, Newsday printed an extensive, astonishingly personal profile of David entitled "Testing Tolerance," which called David "perhaps the most visible gay on Long Island" and stated that "David Kilmnick's style and ambitions can anger straights and gays alike. What matters, he says, is 'getting things done.'" David also teaches a Human Sexuality class at Nassau Community College, and uses this expertise to offer his take, via Newsday columns, on subjects ranging "Sex and the City" to the societal taboo of adult men showing their emotions.

Has David sacrificed anything with his unyielding dedication to LIGALY and the GLBT community at large? David doesn't believe so. "I've always wanted to see things get better here. I didn't want to move out of Long Island. I believe that if you want to see something happen, make it happen. But I also wanted to establish my own private life as well, not lose my individuality. I realized halfway through that I can't be at every single event and be everything to everyone." David leaves off with some reflections on the GLBT community: "We have a strange amnesia in regard to history. As adults we forget what it was like growing up-- the fear of being outted. We're all marked with a 'scar of secrecy', that 'scar of silence It doesn't have to be that way. We have to heal that scar."

Robert and David reinforce that there's no official dress code for this very special event ("Casual, formal, whatever! Come as you are!"), but costumes are encouraged. Here's some ideas: the traditional Mardi Gras colors are purple (which symbolizes Justice-- Tinky Winky would be proud!), green (symbolizing Faith), and gold (symbolizing Power). Beads, masks, feather boas, wigs, ornaments, and/or sequins are all looked upon positively. Cocktail Hour, with piano music, will be at 7 PM sharp, so don't be "fashionably late" or use "Gay Time." There will be buffet dinner which, as David describes, "phenomenal" food; followed by a DJ and dancing to music from all eras. Plus, there will be raffles, an open bar, and LIGALY alumni.

For more information about LIGALY, check out www.ligaly.org.

See you there!

Photos by Louis Trapani and Jed Ryan
Pandora's Vox photo courtesy of Pandora's Vox