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AUNTIE
M's STAFF SHOW: HELPING HANDS AND HIGH HEELS
by Jed
Ryan
 Auntie
M's has achieved an envied position in the Long Island
gay nightlife scene. In a relatively short time, the owners
of the bar have acquired what most nightspots try their hardest
to achieve and don't always succeed: a loyal following of
regulars. Many bars want to be Cheers
(you know, the place where everybody knows your name, and
they're always glad you came, etc.) but don't seem to know
how to achieve it. Of course, no one is saying this is easy.
There's no magic formula for a successful bar or club in our
community, as any bar/club owner or promoter knows all too
well. Therefore, any nightspot that manages to survive, much
less thrive, has got to be doing something right. In an interview,
Tommy Beher, one of the four co-owners of Auntie
M's, spoke about survival: "We are working towards
merely EXISTING," he says. "The challenge comes during
the week, when business slows" --a predicament which unfortunately
seems to be a part of Long Island nightlife as a whole. Tommy
and the other owners don't yet have the luxury of sitting
back and barking orders at their staff-- they get down and
dirty as bartenders as well. Despite these challenges and
others-- which include our community's shifting loyalties
to different bars and clubs-- Auntie
M's has faced these challenges and stuck to its "There's
no place like home" philosophy. At Auntie
M's, it's no accident that the patrons do feel like
they're at Cheers.
Tommy and the other co-owners -- John, Mitch, and Anthony--
had a vision in mind when they created Auntie
M's. "We feel a loyalty to our customers and to the
community." Indeed, any night of the week you'll find a gathering
of Auntie
M's loyal regular customers, who Tommy regards as
family. "Our regulars and staff are like a big, happy, dysFUNctional
family." (Note the emphasis on FUN!) "We care
about and respect each other." Anyone who attended Auntie
M's Staff Show on May 4th got to see this big,
happy dysfunctional family all gathered together. However,
you might not have recognized them. On this night, in the
name of charity, these boyz got in touch with their feminine
sides...
 May
4th's show was not the first Staff Show, and it definitely
won't be the last. But according to many who had seen previous
shows, this one clearly was one of the best, if not THE best
yet. Although most of these "ladies" only do drag for this
special event, their intense energy made up for any lack of
experience-- it was enough to make an audience member want
to grab the nearest wig and join them on-stage! Most importantly,
this was the first Staff Show to benefit Auntie
M's Helping Hands Inc., the bar's neophyte philanthropic
division. The first Staff Show was conceived in March
2000 by the four owners and Dean the bartender as a "hoot,"
according to Tommy. The response was successful. Three Auntie
M's staffers (I'm not saying which ones-- you should've
been there!) combined their alter egos-- Deena Delicious,
Diana Diamonds, and Divinity Ends-- to form "The Triple D's."
These voluptuous gals performed for Auntie M's Anniversary
Party in July 2000-- again, to a great response. The boyz
decided that there was enough interest to make the Staff
Show a regular event. To raise enthusiasm, Auntie
M's started holding their monthly Drag Contests.
 That
night, about 90 people attended the event. Eddie Finan, a
Board Member of Auntie M's Helping Hands, Inc.,
collected money at the door. "Don't think that because you're
press that you're getting in for free!" he told me. (Wow!
Talk about taking your job VERY seriously!) Later,
Eddie commented, "Tonight was an awesome show and I'm very
proud to say that we raised over $760 for Auntie M's
Helping Hands. I'm glad to be a part of it." The girls
also donated their tips that night. The Triple D's kicked
off the event with the guaranteed crowd-pleaser "If You Could
Read My Mind" by Stars on 54. A brassy, brunette Peggie
Pussie (LIPP's Entertainer of the Year for 2000
and 2001), one of the seasoned pros that night, took command
of the whole bar (Just TRY not to give her your undivided
attention when she performs. See what happens!) with one of
her famous Peggy Pussie music
compilations, incorporating snippets of Madonna's
"Music" and more. She didn't just stay put on stage. She danced
on the pool table and caught the attention of a greasy-looking
straight guy who kept trying to get his head up her skirt.
The scene turned into comedy as Peggie gave the guy a taste
of high heel. (Unfortunately, that just made him more excited!)
Was this guy a drag chaser? Did he wander into Auntie
M's by mistake? Or did Peggy arrange for this guy
to show up as part of the act? Inquiring minds want to know!
"Shade516"
(John Schimmel LIPP's
Volunteer of the Year for Nassau County 2001) helped
the crowd cool down with a performance of Madonna's
under-appreciated ballad "One More Chance." Performing that
song, combined with a melancholy demeanor, Shade gave the
image of a blonde debutante having been stood up by her date.
I was ready to start crying! But before I had a chance, Mirkala
Crystal appeared to perform "I Will Love Again." With
her tiara and sash intact, this diva reminded us why she won
the Miss Auntie M's Award for 2001! Big, blonde, and
glamorous Francesca Della Rossa was next, performing Amber's
"Above the Clouds."  Unfortunately,
the limits of audio technology showed when her record skipped
a few times. (At first I thought that she was doing a tribute
to Madonna's
song "Don't Tell Me"!) Did Francesca crack under pressure?
No! Divas never do! Francesca returned later on to do a flawless
version of Vanessa
Williams' "The Comfort Zone."
Imagine
if Ethel Merman had an illegitimate, psychotic daughter, and
you'll get an image of the comedic highlight of the night,
hands down: beloved Mitch as Aphrodesia. In a hospital gown
and with IV intact, Aphrodesia guzzled vodka and threw mock
Valium into the audience to the tune of Tracey
Ullman's 80's classic "They Don't Know." ...Before being
carried away in a straight jacket by two husky guys. Thanks,
Mitch... I'll never be able to hear that song again without
an image of you kicking and flailing! Attie Tude, in a stunning
royal blue velvet gown, was next, with a version of Tamia's
"Stranger in My House" mixed by Peggie Pussie. This song has
been all over the place lately, but has NEVER been
performed as fiercely as this! Whoa! A black lingerie-clad,
VERY sexy Mikita Powers appeared to perform Broadway
classic "Hey Big Spender" from "Sweet Charity." Mikita's outfit
prompted our Emcee Deena Delicious to comment, "Girl, you're
the only one of us who could shop at Victoria's
Secret!"
Diva
Crystal Clear also performed, and we were treated to additional
numbers by Peggie Pussie and Mirkala Crystal . The Triple
D's reunited to do the Supreme's' "Ain't No Mountain High
Enough." (Insert your own Diana Ross/Supremes joke here!)
At one point Peggie pulled two impossibly good-looking tanned,
blond guys from the audience to pose for pictures with. A
Peggie sandwich on  blond
bread, anyone? Also spotted at the event were out-of-drag
local stars Tabitha Rivers, Venise
Charles, Evoca Rain; and Rose Navarro and Marc Hoff from
Dean's Curl Up & Dye Hair Studio in Copiague. Rose
was proud to comment, "I did some of the fabulous wigs tonight!"
Ted Varvatos won the 50/50 raffle but generously gave it all
back to charity. What a guy! Buy this man a drink the next
time you see him out!
The
night was really a crowd-pleaser. Rob Allen, a frequent Auntie
M's patron, commented, "With Peggy Pussie and Deena
Delicious sharing hosting duties, the show was a delight to
watch; Peggie, as usual, was beautiful, charismatic, and outspoken
as only the larger-than-life Peggie could be."
Tommy
concluded in our interview that the Staff Show is a
LOT of work, and thus may become annual or biannual.
"I want to thank Greg, who worked the DJ booth; Peggie; Ed
Cronin; Ed Finan; Rose; Bill; and, of course, everyone who
participated." Currently, Auntie M's Helping Hands,
Inc., is working on acquiring corporate sponsorship
for February 2002's Miss Auntie M's Pageant. To learn
more about future benefits for AMHH, Inc.; or
other Auntie
M's events, call (516) 679-8820, or log on to...Wait
a minute!... No! Get off your lazy butt and go there in person!
And say hi to the boyz for me!
(Special
thanks to Rob Allen for his help with this article!)
Photos
by Jed Ryan
See
Related articles:
 Mascara,
Music, and Mayhem: The Drag Invasion 2001
Man!
I Feel Like a Woman! Wigstock 2001
Hey
- We Want Some Pus-sie!
John
Schimmel: LIPP Volunteer for the Year (Nassau County)
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