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Get
the Dish with Miss Priscilla Pride!
by Miss
Priscilla Pride
Priscilla's
Spring Flings! -- June 2000
Helloooo
Long Island GLBTs! Spring is here and it has always been the
season of change. Priscilla knows all too well how you deal
with change darlings. It's not a pretty sight. So buck up
and roll with the paunches... I mean punches... shed those
spare tires the winter doldrums brought... summer on Fire
Island is only a few short months away... you can still lose
those extra pounds, ounces, yards, inches... oh, you know
what I mean!
I
don't know where to start? There are so many juicy tidbits
to report for April, May and June but first we need to
close
out the books on March. Dearies, the Community
House opening was delayed as we all know by now and Priscilla
is still disappointed. So much happened to moi that weekend,
it being St. Patty's Day and all, and more exciting things
were planned during the Community House Grand Opening...
oh well, quelle damage -- as the French say!
Let me backtrack and fill you in on all the details of that
weekend!
It
all started at Club
608's St. Patrick's
Day bar bash. I was a vision in green, blending in of course
so no one would know I was there with pad and pen Scooping
all the Poop needed to Scoop! Helen
throws a mean party - you go girl! The food was so chewy and
yummy, uhhhmmmm, uhhhhmmm, loved that corned beef. All you
Catholic cuties out there were so pleased to be given special
dispensation from the no meat on Fridays in Lent rule. Judging
by the hot bonding witnessed I could sense the mood was entitled,
"Bless me father, as I will sin, in the name of the Papal
HEAD!" (Do you catch my drift? - don't worry -- if anyone
needs a drawing, contact me through my publisher darlings!).
Well, it was a holiday reunion weekend for my sisters and
me, set up by my darling chauffeur Fabrizio. I still get teary
putting it down on paper... oh that Italian stallion with
a heart of gold. I just love him, don't you know! On the way
to the bar Fabrizio told me to pick up the car phone, he had
a surprise for me. I couldn't figure out who it was at first
and then realized what Fabrizio had done. My sisters, Missy
and Sissy La-La, were at Club
608 waiting for me to arrive. I was in total shock. We
hadn't seen each other since my dear, departed late husband's
funeral, last August.
I
hung up and told Fabrizio to fly like the wind. It was a weepy,
mushy, two-hanky blot, blot -- dab, dab, reunion. They told
me they came into town for two reasons: to dish with me of
course and then to catch one of their own in a new Drag Revue.
Unfortunately their hot new drag queen, Erin Goes Far had
to cancel her St. Patty's Day debut. Something to do with
her recent run in with some stuffed cabbage, I don't want
the poop about this one, OH NO! Boys and girls my sisters
were so thrilled to be back on Long Island where it all started
for them. You simply have to remember how they won their crown
as the Best Drag Duo on LI beating out that old hag, Pati
O' Pussy, and her partner, Divan Divine,
back in 1980? I remember it like it was yesterday. Pati
O' and Divan looked liked they were
dragged (pardon the pun dearies) in and out of more clubs
than lawn furniture in a storm. Anyway, once my darling sisters
Missy and Sissy La-La won their crown as best
LI Drag Duo there was no stopping them. It was Hollywood or
Bust! You must remember their TV show? It was that hot cop
show with female partners as the leads? OHHHH... now you got
it, right that show! They both won numerous
Emmys, but PSSSSST... please keep their secrets. If Hollywood
ever found out they were sisters, Sissy La-La's
new courtroom series might get the old heave-ho from the network!
Fabrizio
was so thrilled to hear Missy and Sissy La-La were staying
the weekend that he volunteered to help them get settled in
the East and South Wings of my manse! Darlings, Fabrizio never
can resist a full-figured gal, and not to be bitchy/catty,
but Sissy La-La has gained a pound or two. Let me put it delicately:
you know how we weigh ourselves in pounds here in the USA?
Well, those darlings in the UK weigh in stones. Rumor has
it that when Sissy La-La needed to weigh in at a chic London
Weight Watchers center on her recent Gypsy tour, Stonehenge
was used to balance out the scales. So, I just knew that as
much as Sissy La-La was upset by her recent weight gain, the
morning after Fabrizio would bring a certain spring to her
step. But she was also panic-stricken. We were all scheduled
to attend Auntie
M's Drag Fest the next day. March 18 was the Miss
Auntie
M's March 2000 contest. Missy's friend Emme from E!
is a dear friend and told Missy some confidential news. Now
I don't mean to be crude but Missy's lips are looser than
all the shipwrecks in the high seas! Emme confided that she
was bringing her fashion makeover crew to Long Island that
night. Now, as much as Missy loves Emme, Sissy La-La and Emme
never got along. It has something to do with Sissy beating
out Emme for the role of Shelly Winters in the recent Lifetime
movie. The movie is in the can so to speak and so is all of
Sissy's weight. So imagine Sissy's fear. No worry was needed
though, here's why:
Okay,
you high priestesses, Drag DIVAS extraordinaire and you know
whom I mean: that's right VENISE
CHARLES and EVA THE DIVA! Where were you March
18? I am shocked and horrified that you were not at Auntie
M's passing on the baton to the next generation. Girls,
Auntie M's
contestants needed your help so bad. Emme sneaked out begging
us not to let on that she had been there at all. I asked her,
"Why?" Emme said, "Priscilla, the budget just
ain't that big!" Sissy La-La breathed a sigh of relief
that the camera crew left too.
Let's
just say that Tabitha Rivers, (Joan's illegitimate
daughter -- who we all know and love from Club
608 -- go on, guess who it is, bet you can't!), didn't
have any stiff competition. Darlings she worked the bar before
the show in search of it, if you catch my drift. Venise and
Eva, you should be ashamed of yourselves! Your sisters needed
you that night and where were you? I know. You were probably
at some hot Latin club with someone named Jose. As he pressed
you hard against his loins while doing the Lambada and as
the music crescendos to a fever pitch, he pulled you to him
as you bent backward touching the floor with your head as
your crotch pressed against his... whew, is it hot in here?...
ANYWAY! I am so disappointed in my Long Island Drag Sisters.
There were so many fashion, makeup and hair emergencies that
night. Priscilla thought of stepping in but I just couldn't
do it. I didn't have my roadside emergency tool kit with me,
just a small clutch with a lipstick and mirror as any true
lady carries. It just wouldn't have been enough. They needed
you girls and you let them down. Someone suggested that the
evening should have been billed as Tabitha Rivers and
the Ly Sisters (pronounced Lee) - Bare--Ly, Scari-Ly,
Haggard-Ly and Hard-Ly! When one contestant lost their wig
in the middle of her number dressed in a gown designed by
Chiffonchy, sister to Hubert Givenchy -- that
famous French fashion designer, I nearly fainted from embarrassment.
Chiffonchy usually does such wonders with chiffon,
but this Drag Entrant's gown was one of Chiffonchy's
early disasters... oops, I mean early creations. And the entrant
that was a throw back to the 60's... honey, her outfit wasn't
thrown back far enough. And the performances... tisk, tisk.
Tabitha Rivers on the other hand made all her Drag Sisters
proud. VENISE and EVA, you find that Tabitha Rivers and take
her under your wings. Sweeties let me clue you in on a little
secret: watch the film The Turning Point. Pay close attention
to the Anne Bancroft role and how she had to handle the fact
that she could no longer dance and had to coach to stay alive.
The mirror has two faces as they say and girls you need to
make sure that second one is ready to take on your new roles.
Now remember, you have to be the role models and counselors
to your Drag Sisters in Training. It's a huge responsibility
and God knows you two have those broad shoulders to bear the
weight of these duties.
Well,
what more is there to say? Loads darlings... April is now
upon us and the Long
Island Pride Parade Committee kicked off Spring with
their dance at the Sayville VFW. Anyone who's anyone in the
Long Island GLBT community attended. Sandy and the rest of
the committee outdid themselves once again! Look for their
May fund-raisers kiddies, they have so many surprises in store
for you.
I
bought some lovely prints at the Gala Art Exhibition and
Auction, Sunday -- April 9, held at The
Historical Thatched Cottage in Centerport. The affair,
hosted by those lovelies -- the Gay Democrats of Suffolk
County, raised beaucoup dollars. Priscilla attended a
wedding at the Thatched Cottage and sweeties I advise any
of you planning a chic, elegant affair to give the banquet
manager a call at (631) 261-1900. The view is simply divine
and the food is just heavenly! The building is tres
cute and reminds me of Ann Hathaway's in Stratford-on-Avon
in the UK. (Please, did I just hear, "Who is Ann Hathaway?"
from someone out there? Don't tell me you all don't remember
Will Shakespeare's wife? I know that in Shakespeare in
Love, the skinny, little tart... I mean the adorable Gwyneth
Paltrow tried to steal him away, but Ann won out in the
end!). If you ever find yourselves in England you simply must
take a look-see!
June
is upon us and Priscilla just attended a graduation ceremony
and party for one of our own. Dan Angevine, that hunky
stud, finally got that old sheepskin... now get your mind
out of the gutters dears, I said sheep not lambskin. Dan's
friends will attest to the fact that it seems Dan's college
career is reminiscent of The Hundred Years Wars. It feels
like he's been attending school that long. But who am I to
nit-pick... you go girl friend. I hear Dan is planning to
attend graduate school. So Dan's friends, mark your calendars
now... June of 2023, oops that was a typo, 2003. All kidding
aside Dan, Priscilla is so proud of you. That party was simply
FABOO. I must say I looked lovely in my new gown designed
by HEFTY, that new designer for us full figured
gals with big cans. Who says only Courtney Love can
wear trash liners. My dress rivaled that trash she wore at
The Golden Globes. Pictures available upon request darlings.
Saw
you all at the 10th Anniversary Pride Parade. Scandals
and gossip featured in my next Poop Scoop installment.
Ta-ta
for now, Priscilla is always on the prowl!
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